First, you've got to break up your pieces. If you're using plates, make sure that you end up with flat pieces. A lot of plates have rims on the bottom, or lots of curve around the edge or something and that can be problematic if you're working on a glass base. With a standard mosaic base, you can kind of push irregular-depth pieces into the grout until they lie flush with the others, but it's harder on glass. So, break things conscientiously. Also, for crying out loud, be careful. Wear eye protection. Glass and ceramic shards in your eyeball equals NO FUN. The initial breaking can be done by placing the pieces in a few plastic bags and smashing indiscriminately with the hammer. Then, you can examine the pieces and break them more deliberately.

We put each colour in its own container for ease of distribution.

Now, clean your table. The table was grotty when we started because it'd been outside for a long while. We used Lysol Wipes which made the job a snap. Then, we talked about what Lisa wanted (something with flowers) and checked out the colours available to us. Those two Sharpie pens in the photo above were part of the original designing theory. Lisa was going to draw different ideas on the table in red and then finalize the design in black. What ended up happening is that we created as we went along, letting the size and number of the pieces guide us. It was a lot more fun.

First, we decided on a large purple blossom in the center of the table. Each of the four petals would have light blue bits of tile in the center. Then, protruding from the junctures of the petals we had four spiraling vine-y tendril things in two shades of green. We decided to go with a fairly symmetrical design, but I urge you to do whatever you feel is best. Get all crazy-go-nuts with the design.

The center flower and the green vines.

We knew the main background would be filled with some yellow-print dish pieces, and we wanted more happening around the rest of the table, so we played around with other tile pieces. We ended up making little vines shooting off the main vines which ended in light blue starburst-y flowers with green centers. Each flower has three different shades of blue in it (though that's hard to see in the photos).

The main design, now completed.

Now comes the part where you'll be glad I told you to have a buddy. Remember that caulking gun and silicone sealant in the Ingredients list? You need to load up the gun with a tube and get cracking at gluing all of those little tile bits down. I should mention that, despite our usual handiness with tools, both Lisa and I had big trouble with the caulking gun. See, the woman from whom she'd purchased the sealant mentioned how to use the gun, but didn't mention one very important aspect of the silicone tubes. According to the instructions on the tubes, you have to cut off the tip of the nozzle to the size you want. That we knew and that we did. However, according to nothing, you must unscrew the (very firmly attached) nozzle and cut the tip of the sealant tube. See, we got to pulling the trigger like crazy and we smelled a little silicone but nothing was coming out of the tip (though we did discover that, due to the awesome power of our muscles we'd managed to push silicone out of the SEALED END OF THE TUBE). I'd even tried unscrewing the nozzle but it was stuck right on there and I didn't want to hurt anything. I looked down the tip and decided that it looked like we needed to puncture it with something. The nail we were using didn't work too well and Lisa didn't have a small enough Phillips screwdriver, so we hopped in the car and went to Home Depot. Long story short, after speaking with THREE other employees who all said that you have to puncture the thing with something (but they didn't have anything handy), two young slacker employees said, "well, you just screw the nozzle off and cut it, don't you?" and proceeded to show us up in the biggest way. OH MAN! Imagine our shame.

We went back home and glued everything down. We got into a really great rhythm of one person holding up the back of a tile piece and the second person squeezing sealant onto it with the gun. The goo doesn't solidify for a little while so you don't have to freak out if you place something a little incorrectly. After we'd glued the main design down, we placed all of the yellow pattern plate pieces to cover the rest of the table. Then we took a pizza break and watched Trading Spaces. We got free breadsticks! Score. When we went back outside, we hammered through the gluing of the rest of the design and called it a day.

This is what the table looks like, minus grout.

A closeup of the fun yellow dish pieces that we used.

Lisa had a hair appointment and I had to get home to my sweet Monster, so the grouting is waiting for another day. We covered the table with a tarp to keep it dry. I'll post photos of the rest of the process when it's finished.

Total time spent: incomplete
US Dollars spent: incomplete